How Barcelona make sex look ugly

In a display of much beauty and delight, Barcelona despatched Real Madrid with a good 5-0 thumping that left us breathing heavily and completely flushed at the sheer art of their tapestry.

It was just one of those nights when you were glad you preferred sticking to the television set than move over to the bedroom. On a chilling Monday night, Barcelonas football effused such warmth that you wanted to lie in its armsand snuggle upto it, wishing the moment would never end.

There was mild flirting at the beginning, a few playful glances exchanged, the hands brushing together and then Barca took us all home.We like gleeful voyeurs sat and watched them strip Real Madrid of every garment, taking in the irony that thesheerbeautyof the act came from a team dressed in blue and violet and not the one in white.

As you saw the sleek passing,the flicks, the dribbles, the feints, the mazing runs, the pinpoint vision and the understanding of the team-mates on the field, you realised that football may have been invented by the English but it has beenmastered to perfection by the Catalans. They are the definitely the ones on top.

What we witnessed was not some kind of a B-grade porno filmed in a day in someones basement. There was nothing ugly about the Blaugranas performance, nothing at all, in fact it would have made us wonder just how ugly we getonce the curtains are drawn. This was not Arnold Schwarzenegger, this was Johnny Depp oozing charm all the way through.

The belief that men are not multi-orgasmic was made redundant as for ninety minutes Lionel Messi and Co. had everyone enthralled in crescendo.As I rewatched the highlights of the game on YouTube, two American commentators were describing the action and you could hear them Ooohhh Aaaahhhh. Yesssss their way through! it.

The first two goals were made out of pure passing as the ball never left the feet of a Barca player and then the next two were made solely bya certainmagical Argentine. In between all this, there were so many times when the Catalans seemed simply unbeatable and yet so enticing. We love to hate successful teams but Barca can never be hated.

In this country we have grownan affinityforthe Portuguese Jose Mourinho and Cristiano Ronaldo for their rawness, machisimo and exuberance. But there is just too much flair, poise and panacheabout Lionel Messi to not fall in love with him. He is not only the boy you can take home but also one who can make you see the world in a different light el Mesiah.

I am not a Barcelona fan by any means, I took delight in their downfall at the hands of Mourinhos Inter Milan side last season. In the battle between Good andEvil, I was on the latter side. But anyone who saw the Catalans in action last night would be forgiven for thinking that they are indeed The Saviours.

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